I follow my callings in life.. and they have taken me all around the world, well not to every single square inch....yet.
I have traded, sold, given away almost all my worldly possessions more than once in my lifetime....started fresh, and jumped into unknown or completely unfamiliar waters over and over again..... and you know what?.. It's been fantastic... each and every time... nope, I kid you not!
It's not about 'finding myself'.. or 'healing' from a life lesson, that hurt particularly much... it is simply living life fully... every day. We are on this blue planet for such a short time... really the blink of an eye... and the only mission we have is to life live, to grow, to learn, to share, to love.... and as extra bonuses.. to teach, to inspire.... and create happiness.... not just find it. We have the tools within us, the choices to use the positive energy, rather than the negative. To seek the good (the silver lining, if you will), in situations rather than bitch about what is seemingly a crappy moment in your life.
I have met an abundance of amazing people from all walks of life..... dirt poor, yet happy, kind and extremely generous...... Glamorously wealthy, sick and struggling, yet happy and thankful for time still available...... Fellow travellers, unsure, yet adventurous and yearning for freedom from 'status quo'.....
I have witnessed kindnesses that would bring a tear of joy to your eye, and still does to mine in memories of such touching moments I have had the fortune to be part of.
I think alot of people get hung up on their 'life path expectations' or what the status quo are preaching.... get job, get married, have family, save money for retirement, keep up with Jones, etc etc... and while for a number of folks, this is fine, acceptable and comfortable even... it is not for everyone..... and I apparently am one of those 'rebels'. *grin.
I felt the urge to travel, adventure, explore and learn in person fairly young in life... pretty much as soon as I graduated high school.... I found a way to travel to Europe. I was the Nanny, Au Pair, Mother's help.. oh and also floral designer at one point for an interior decorator (with a spoiled rotten little girl). whatever you want to define it as... I went to Italy... and then over the years in other capacities, further to Greece.. France, Amsterdam, UK, Ireland, Scotland. And, yes there are many more places I wish to venture, and will.In each new country, town, village... whether I spoke the language or not, I soaked up the fresh, exotic nuances... the different ways of living daily....the local customs.. some dialect here and there.... Never the 'tourist' but a temporary transplant, without a time limit.
When I took to the North American roads to explore and expand my desire to learn, and grow... I discovered one thing we all..... all of us on the planet have in common.... we are all of the same ilk... the same desire to share... to share stories... to share experiences... to share customs.... food, drink, trinkets.
People are made to shine, from the inside out... and when given the chance do so, with the most brilliant and vibrant light possible.
Friendships, Romantic sidelines and entanglements not distract but enhance moments in life, jobs, experiences, moments, memories, views, lessons......we cross paths with those we are meant to, for various reasons... sometimes blessings, and sometimes lessons..... some are easy, and others are most definitely not... however it is what you take away from each that makes you who you are, and who you are meant to become in this lifetime.
Now, I know a number of you have traveled, or perhaps snuggled into a community over the years, and have had moments that just plain sucked, hurt, and left you on the ground staring at the ceiling wondering if it was safe to get up... I have been there, more than once.... and have learned first of all to always enter your day with a positive embrace of energy... look for the good... find the happy... learn the lesson... move forward.... even baby steps if that is all you are capable of at the moment. If you go out in the day, looking for trouble, with the obvious dark cloud already above your head.... guess what.. yep, it follows you, and all the nasty 'what if's '.... will find you.... If you have a pre-conceived idea of what a stranger might say or do, in the negative thinking...you have pretty much just invited that to come true..... Turn it around, shake off the negative energy... start fresh, even if it's halfway thru the day! It's that easy to turn your day around, you will be amazed.
If you have a dream, a goal, an ambition... why are you waiting? Don't tell me about commitments, situations you feel trapped in.... Change your life, work around commitments... Life isn't about choosing a suffering ... it's about finding the happy, living fully, sharing, growing, learning, loving!
Alright enough of my happy babble.....onward to the spanking brand new chapter in my life. While traveling on the road, I have earned my gas and living money through selling my art, my music cd, and reading Oracle
At one point, my incredibly helpful silent Honda Generator died... it was indeed a sad thing, and did not come back to life, even with hopeful prodding and a professionals expert opinion. I had run her, day.. night.. day... night.. with moments of downtime, oil changes and re-filling of fuel... but after nearly 3 years of invaluable travel service, she was done. Now, the cost of replacement is close to $2000 for another new one... so that didn't happen... as funds with me are always tight, and only spent on necessary bits. Now fortunately, the weather was still very warm at nights, and instead of using my little fridge, I went back to ice in a cooler and less perishable items on hand, so all was not lost whatsoever.
I also had a couple of mechanical incidents take place again with the Gypsy Caravan.. and some miraculous fixes ..but also lost the use of running lights, stereo, other useful bits like the windshield wipers that still didn't work... there was a list long enough to deter me from longer travel at this point, that needed attention first.
An opportunity presented itself in one little colorful town, to possibly help out and have a studio/set/shop.. and also help out with some teaching of art skills. I was very excited to say the least, and set about a building and garden makeover immediately, empassioned with purpose and vigor. Well, life sometimes has a way of testing, lessons and all... this opportunity completely fell through, and turned into somewhat of a nightmare of community red tape and bylaws that suddenly appeared, for the owners.... and all the hard work, was dismantled, and set back to the way it had been.... sadness... but I had made some new fabulous friends, regardless of this situation.
I felt I had failed, yet....this was something completely out of my control... so I let it go with love.... within hours I was offered some work on the mainland in the movie industry (something I had done years before), instead of thinking I was going backwards in my 'career' by doing something I had closed my mind to and thought finished, I looked in my wallet and discovered I had just enough to catch the ferry that night, and be there in time for the work the next day. With a smirk, and a nod to the Cosmic Kitchen as thank you, I set off down the road to a waiting ferry. I worked a long 7 day, 15 hour/day min, week. Exhausted, yet happy I came to the conclusion, there is no sense in fearing the path you are on, or having to switch to mid step....everything happens for a reason, and it's much easier to go with the flow, than against it.
Finding myself on the North Shore again, my old stomping grounds... I touched base with some old friends, went to a 25 year high school reunion, created new art, I was becoming part of my old community with events, gatherings, more online streaming segments, writing new chapters in my book....
I was also feeling the 'winter blues'... fighting it with all my will, but there were a number of days where a meandering mind could not find purpose, drive or desire... it was too cold for my usual outdoor earning potential... there was no gas in the tank... wet & cold weather stayed me to the cozy comforts.....and quiet. I was feeling lost, the purpose in life was in question, the road I was meant to take unclear and overgrown
Writing, Music, Art and friendships saved me, I have no doubt... even a small patch of blue sky helped immensely. Chatter and upbeat memes online, also a good distraction... feeling that I had helped even one person, with a positive message, brought warmth and a smile in my heart...motivating me back to a place of well being and happiness.
Slowly, I formed a rough path in my mind of where I might go next in life.... I thought of my driving adventures, my desire to bring smiles and happiness to others... my giggly personality and entertainers motives in everything I came into contact with.... I contacted a tour bus company, and inquired about a job.
A job.... working for someone else... something I hadn't done in so many years it was silly. With the exception of a little stint at a call center 4 years back.. (nearly sucked the life out of me, but made some fabulous new friends). This was something I had fought hard against with all my energy... I felt again, as if I had failed on my path of self sustaining life.... but as the little patches of blue sky grew bigger, and sunshine brought be back around , I realized it was time. Not only for a job, with some decent money, but perhaps a new path, a new chapter was only a page away from being in the light to be read with re-newed excitement....
The tour company liked me, my energy, my something something... and told me to go to driving school and get a class 2 with air brakes, and come back. So I did. Now nothing in life is ever that easy... and yes I failed the 'simple' commercial knowledge test 2 times (but was told by ICBC personnel that most people take at least 3 times to pass, which I found comforting), but passed number 3. I enrolled in school, borrowed some money (thx m), and went to learn, eager to absorb all that I could.... I found my first instructor, well, a challenge let's say.... but I was determined to take away the positive, as it could always be worse... and I definitely didn't want to tempt that outcome.... with a little card in hand that said I had taken the air brake course... I marched back to ICBC to take the 'air knowledge' test in that nasty little baffling computer... fail.
However, ICBC did give me my 'learners permit' now so that I could actually get behind the wheel of that 43ft long old school bus and put air brakes to use... I was mainly concerned about taking out poles, curbs and other human types with the back of the bus on corners... but found it remarkably easy and comfortable. I set this to years of driving my Gypsy Caravan, that is 20ft long with the back porch, and has 'art bits' poking out the side, I have to be constantly aware of... 'Mirrors are my best est friends while driving!' *giggle.
The thing with this nasty little computer test, is it gives you the answer right away, right or wrong... and you are only allowed a certain number wrong, before it completely fails you outright... AND, the other thing with the 'air knowledge' test, is ... well, you can only take it 3 times total, if you fail all 3 you must take the 2 day, somebody shoot me, course again! Sucking up all my determination and positive thoughts... I marched in there, waited till my number was called, and saddled up to my nemesis......and failed.... shit....
I had one shot left, and it was first thing in the morning, before my road test...
I stayed up and continued taking the practice online version (which I had been getting 85% - 100% now for over a week)... and memorized all the 'trailer' info (as these were the questions that caught me on the computer, stuff I didn't have use for in real life, as I was going to drive a bus not a semi dang it!)
The next morning, after little sleep, and intense dreams of testing, driving and all the air components.... I drove in the heavy cold rain to get a motivational coffee, with a shot! Quietly sipping on my brain awaken er, I strolled to the counter, as my number was up immediately, it being first thing in the morning...... The woman asked if I would like to sit or stand for the test.... wha????? I have that option?? Holy hell, I will sit please, and thank you.
Sitting in front of my old friend, placing my warm beverage beside me, I touched the screen with a calm caress. The questions flashed colorfully in front of my eyes, instinctively I answered them ... stopping for a sip of coffee here and there... then one of the dreaded trailer questions tripped me up, the fiery red 'wrong' box came up laughing at me.... trying to stress me into the usual sensation of fear of failing.. followed by the knowledge of having to take that damn course again, and further class time costing more money, that I didn't have......
Quietly, a soothing calm took over, and I instead, continued on.... the friendly 'green box' of 'correct' flashed over and over....it was done.. I had passed on the third time once again... Overwhelming confidence washed over me in a grin 95% right! Onward to the road tests...
I was wearing a bright blue long sleeved shirt, and my bright red/orange/pink soft jacket, jeans and cowboy boots... and had decent hair, as I KNEW, I would pass and have to have my new driver's license pic taken... surely.
I was giddy, excited and ready... the previous two drivers had failed, it was dumping cold heavy rain, I didn't care.. this was going to happen. Confidently I strolled out with the ICBC gal, ready to be tested.... I was chatty, giggly and went calmly into story telling mode as we went through the various components that needed to be pointed out, poked and pulled, tested and explained... I crawled underneath to test the 'slack adjusters' and point out all the bits that we still there, not leaking, not broken etc.... now, under the bus, normally there can be puddles or oily patches, where a big chunk of cardboard comes in handy and protects your clothing from becoming a black patchy, wet mess..... well, it was raining ... hard... there was a friggin RIVER running under the bus at this point.. the cardboard was already soggy from a failed test or two earlier in the day... but laughing I threw it down and scootched underneath, feeling the wetness take over my jeans in complete coverage.... and my lovely bright shirt, and colorful jacket, felt the full wrath as I had to climb all over an greasy axel to reach the brakes for the test. Didn't care anymore at this point... I pointed out there was also no 'Zombies' underneath, all was well... we then set out on the road test... calmly I drove us here, there, around corners, thru green to amber lights... amber to kinda red lights.. while already in the intersection, mentioning all the movements, and why.. casually bumping over a little center curb... chatting about the condition of the roads in Houston, giggling over tales of the road over the past 3 years...pulling over, parking brake use.... getting out of the bus and circling around outside, before getting back in releasing that spring brake and backing up about 40ft...honking that horn... safety first... whoops kinda swung out from that curb on the backing up thing... giggle... had to get away from the curb.... pulling up back in front of the school... we then get to chatting about how I did... good news bad news... I passed the road test!.. yay!.. I passed the pre-vehicle inspection! yay!... I failed the pre -air test, dang it! something about the locking sleeve (that my first 'please shoot me' instructor hadn't really gone over with any detail or importance) narf!
The day was still all good.... technically I had my class 2.. and could re-take the air alone, only another $20, and 30 mins of school time fee $45..... Feeling fairly chuffed, I booked my re-take immediately for following week, and bought some celebratory chocolate and wine for later ;)
Jumping on the computer later, I discovered a new fish (POF) that was keen to meet and chat over coffee... so we did just that... oh, did I mention in my decision to stay in one place for a while, I also decided to put myself out there again, in a more available way... and activated my 'Plenty of Fish' account... and have been coffee dating quite a bit as of late.. ;) fun times.
The next day I got up, washed and blow dried my hair in a 'purdy' kinda way...
Well there was some confusion, and some mutterings of policy at the counter... I also needed to change back to my maiden name please. I had my marriage certificate copy, and the only copy of the divorce papers, my various licenses, and ID with married name only..... crap. they needed my birth certificate.. the one piece of ID that the gremlins had 'borrowed' a number of months ago, during a re-tetrising session inside the Gypsy Caravan, that was still missing..... I felt like I was about to lose it, as I had been my maiden name, in the system for over 20 years.. and now, had to prove again who I was.....calling for a supervisor calmly but firmly.. I watched the two gals I had been dealing with explain from across the room to a supervisor what the situation was... a man sauntered over and asked when I was re-taking the air test.. and this was one of the issues they were also trying to juggle in my scenario... 'ok', I thought...'next thursday', I said. and off he went to chat with another supervisor behind closed doors.... 'really?!', I thought not so quietly.... keeping my now determined calmer composition.. a petite blond super supervisor came over and perched on a stool to hear my story.... I mentioned alot of 'things' had burned in a fire after the divorce.... and this was all I had left in documents... she glanced at me softly and mentioned she was also going thru similar proceedings at the moment.... I smiled and continued.... 'and now, he's got a baby, the whole reason he convinced me to take his name...... I really just want to be 'me' again... my own name, you know?'.... she shifted through the various papers... over and over... looking for something.. just not what.....'hold on a sec'... she said, and jumped off the stool, marching over to yet another super super supervisor, and closed the door......
I stood at the counter, patiently thinking positive thoughts... and still searching in my mind's eye for that damn birth certificate...(which would cost an additional $50-75 to replace)
At last my super supervisor came back with a little smile... 'ok', she said... 'what we are going to do, is keep your license on hold until after you pass your air endorsement, and then you come back and ask for me, you have enough pieces of the puzzle that we will let you be you again', she then handed me a business card with her name and hours she was working, further explaining that they would then take the picture and no further fees would be incurred! Woot! Yay positive thinking and keeping my cool! And off I went for yet another coffee fish date, with my purdy hair.
Thursday arrived, and off I went to conquer my air test...the ICBC rep was a cute young guy, I was wearing grubby ripped jeans, and an already grease spotted shirt,my hair in braids, it was sunny and dry... I was ready...... I drained the air tank, tossed the blocks by the tire, and yoinked open the engine compartment.... going thru the motions of pointing out various bits, he stopped me and asked where the compressor was, and the governor... I pointed out the wrong thing.. and took some time to find the governor... pointed out the discharge hose by the wrong name.. and FAILED instantly... holy hell really... dang it! We went over the rest of the test, as a practice... and with a tail between my legs, I asked to be re-tested asap!
The next day... I was there, money once again in hand.. confident, and calm... the ICBC rep had just failed 2 guys before me... smiling she looked at me and said 'You must be Michelle, give me a sec'...she inhaled a quick cigarette, and we were off..... I was wearing the same outfit from the day before, prepared for oil and grime... it was sunny and dry again.... chatting and giggling, I went through the motions, mentioning all the correct bits, and climbing underneath to test air components.... also mentioning no zombies were present, I came out from underneath, smudged but smiling..... I had passed 100%.
On the way back to the office, I mentioned I had been distracted the day before, as I was preparing an event 'beware the brides of march', and prepping also for 'bunnarchy' two colorful pub crawls and scavenger hunts...as she had mentioned 'Stephen', (ICBC yesterday) was worried about me passing, and would be so relieved..... really all those guys in the office do know me now. I opted to keep my hair in braids and did my very best to bypass the whole 'no smiling' rule with the picture... and snuck in a cheeky smirk that my super supervisor let go by... oh ps.. the Gremlins gave back my birth certificate 2 days back.. thanks guys.
I drove back to the North Shore giddy.. I had done it, class 2 with air.. a whole new chapter could now start in my career life, with all sorts of opportunities and adventure.. I can now drive a bus with more than 10 passengers, a limo... and eventually my dream of owning a double decker for the next generation of a Gypsy Caravan could happen!My new ID should arrive in the mail between 7 and 10 business days. I have applied for a Trolley tour bus driver, and have an interview set up this Friday....
I will also be looking forward to perhaps another fishy date ;) from the big pond online....
All is well, I welcome this new chapter with open arms and re-newed vigor...
Peace, Love and Positive Energy my lovelies,
Michelle, the Gypsy Mermaid
